Today I starts fasting.

Fasting by skipping lunch is not difficult to me. I have tried it for a few weeks two years ago. Last time, I fast in order to practice the spiritual exercise, as a requirement of my Spiritual Formation course. Though I did sat down, concentrate myself and focus at God, read the Bible and pray, I did not really know the very meaning of fasting. Some people saying it is to denying our very basic physical need but concentract at God. It does not really bother me as I can easily skip a meal or two with no problem. So even skipping the lunch does not create any struggle inside me for the basic needs.

However, I believe the importance and effect of fast and pray, so I do it again, for the land search project of our church. God is merciful and this is what He gives me, Isa 58, in my Bible reading. God is condemning the Israeli, "They love to make a show of coming to me and asking me to take action on their behalf.
'We have fasted before you!' they say. 'Why aren't you impressed? We have done much penance, and you don't even notice it!'
"I will tell you why! It's because youare living for yourselves even while you are fasting." [2b-3a]

The Lord continues to say,
"The kind of fasting I want calls you to free those who are wrongly imprisoned and to stop oppressing those who work for you. Treat them fairly and give them what they eran, I want you to share your food with the hungry and to welcome poor wanderers into your homes, give clothes tothose who need them, and do no hide from relatives who need your help." [5-7]

God is very clear about the aim about our fasting. He does not want our showing of hungry to impress Him. He does not want our acts in doing the fasting. What He wants is our willingness to follow Him, to do what He calls us for and calls us to do. God's request to the Israelis is clearly recorded in the Law. But the Israelis fail to observe. But they do all the religious good deeds trying to please God.

What about us. When we are fasting and praying for our land and our church, what does this message say to us? And what does this message say to me?

How many times when I see other people in need I simply pretend not seeing them? How many times when people are asking for help but I calculate my benefits first? How many times I failed to share the Gospel to people do not know Jesus? And how many reasons I gave myself for not participating in outreach / mission ministry or go to mission trip? How many times I ignore God's call but continue to do what I like? How many times I thought I am righteous and pray and 'think' that God will listen?

Oh God, my dear God and Savior, please forgive me. I have sinned against you, deeply, and I don't realized how deep I had sinned against you. Please, please forgive me and don't leave me. Don't let your mercy be away from me. I fast and I pray, and I think I am doing the righteous things but I don't realize I have totally ignored your calling and my responsibility you give me. Please help me, God, help me to be more sensitive to your call and be more obedient and submissive to you, and to your commandment.

To our church, I believe the same principle applies. For God to hear our prayer, we have be aware the mission God calls us to fulfill in building His church. We have to be united as one in living out His commission and calling. It is said in the Bible, "If you do these things, your salvation will come like the dawn. Yes, your healing wil come quickly. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the LORD will protect you from behind. Then when you call, the LORD will answer. 'Yes I am here,' he will quickly reply. [8-9]

I was so desperated this morning.

There have been so many things happening around, all dragging my energy and attention. Worship, High-Tech, Spring Conference, Support Group, Learning club, assignments, family life... I found that I cannot handle them all. I feel so inferior and helpless in doing them all.

Desperated, I prayed. I told God that helpless I was in doing my works, how useless I was"

Then I sat down, opened my Bible. In Isaiah 49, the Bible says, "I replied, 'But my work all seems so useless! I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose at all...." (v. 4). I was delighted. God knows my situation and He points to the exact situation I am in!.

But the Bible also says, "The LORD called me before my birth; from within the womb he called my by name." God knows us even before we were born, and He knows us individually, calls us by name. Even though I am small and useless, I am not nobody before the eyes of God. He knows me, by name. He called me before I was borned, and has a purpose in my life. In verse 3 the Bible says, "He said to me, 'You are my servent, Israel, and you will bring me glory'". Yes, this is the sole purpose of our life, to bring glory to God. We are not working on our own, and for our own benefit. All we do should be for the glory of God. God promises to help us in His time.

Thank you Lord, thank you for your salvation and your deliverance. Thank you for your promise and comfort. I want to laid my life in your hands wait for you. I want to live for your glory. Help me Lord.

Praying for the church's land search project, this little story I had read years ago pops up into my mind. The innocent faith of the little girl in the story reminds me a lot, in many occations over the years. I first learnt to trust God and wait for God when I lost my job two years ago, and it helps me up in many occations since then. This time it reminds me again to trust Him in our difficult time searching the land for the new church. When we pray, we should have faith that God is listening. When we pray in His will, He is willing, and He is able to fulfill. Our prayer is not to fulfill a religious act, but a confident request that God listens.

Searching over the Internet, I thank God that I can find the story again.

The Red Umbrella
As the drought continued for what seemed an eternity, a small community of mid-west farmers were in a quandary as to what to do next. The rain was important not only to keep their crops healthy, but to sustain the townspeople's very way of living. As the problem became more urgent, the local church felt it was time to get involved and called a prayer meeting to ask for rain.

In what seemed a vague remembrance of a Native American ritual, the people began to arrive. The pastor on his arrival watched as the congregation continued to file in. He slowly made his way to the front to officially begin the meeting.

Everyone was taking the opportunity to visit across the aisles to socialize with close friends. The pastor's thoughts when he reached the front were on quieting those present and starting the meeting.

As he began to ask for quiet, his eyes scanned the crowd and he took note of an eleven year-old girl sitting in the front row.

Her face was beaming with excitement and she quietly sat in her place. Next to her, poised and ready for use, was a bright red umbrella. The beauty and innocence of the girl made the pastor smile as he realized the faith she possessed. No one else in the congregation had brought an umbrella.

They had all come to pray for rain, but she had come expecting God to answer with the needed rain.

[copied from http://www.llerrah.com/redumbrella.htm]

When we pray, do we expect God is answering? When we bring our unbrella to attend the prayer meeting asking for rain, do we hang out our cloths for drying at the same time?

God says, in Isaiah 35, 'With this news, strengthen those who have tired hands, and encourage those who have weak knees. Says to those who are afraid, "Be strong, and do not fear, for your God is coming to destroy your enemies. He is coming to save you."'

What a comforting promise! Waiting for God in suffering is a central theme of the Old Testament, of the Hebrew history, and of our life. God is watching. God is hearing. And God is caring. He is also delivering us, in His time, out of our suffering situation.

This message is proclaimed to those are afraid, whose hands are tired and whose knees are weak. Only when we are weak, we feel the need for God's help. Only when we acknowledge our incompetence before God, we can see His power and receive His grace. If we do not see our incompetence, we do not see God. Jesus says, "God blesses those who realize their need for him... God blesses those who mourn... (Mat 5:3-10)" It is because of their Adam and Eva's sin. It is because of our pride that we forsake God and want to be god ourselves. It is because our pride that we feel strong even before the Almighty God. When we are seeking for God's grace, do we really repent before God and let Him to be the master of our life? Are we trying to master our own life and only allow God to control it when we are asking Him for help? Are we doing our ministry by our ability and knowledge instead of seeking for His will and His help?

There are full of temptation around us trying to pull us away from God's control. Frequently Satan wisely not asking us to betray God specifically, but tempts us to be our own god and control our own life.

What does this message mean to me? In what area in my life do I want to (pretent to) be strong and refuse the restoration of God? Why was my prayer more eager when I need a job than when I'd got one? Why do I put God farther when I think I am okay with my life? Why do I do my ministries hard but seldom slow down and be with God? Why do I put Bible reading and devotion the last thing to do when I am rushing my assignments?

Why do I have so many 'why's? What's wrong with my life?

Oh Jesus, I am sorry. I know I belong to you but I failed to be with you. Forgive Lord. You are my God, my Lord. I want to lay my life completely before you. Please help me to overcome the temptation of this world and to live solely for you. Aman.

This morning, when I was taking Deifilia to school, she asked, "Daddy, are we heading south?" I told her, "no, we are heading west." Soon we made a right turn. Then I told her that we were now heading north, and explain the situation to her.

The conversation reminds me. Yeh, we need to know where we are heading to. Our life need a direction. When we say we are Christian, our life should be pointing UP. On earth, we are changing our direction all the time. Eventually we are just circling or oscillating but not going anywhere. We cannot allow the same situation happen to our spiritual life. We need to head upward. Although sometimes (and actually many times) we are being redirected by many other things, we need to always remind ourselves that our direction is God and we need to heading UP. No matter what we do, our purpose is to draw us closer to God. This is a purpose-driven life, a God-centered life and a upward-pointing life

Lord, thank you for reminding me the importance of the direction of my life. Please help me to focus, as there are so many things in the world want to pull me off the track. Please grand me yoru wisdom to discern the true goal from the false ones, and grand me the courage to overcome.